


I know you know me, you don't have to show me

by puppybusby



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, First Kiss, Post-Season/Series 01, Pre-Relationship, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27216574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppybusby/pseuds/puppybusby
Summary: “We’re a team remember, in this life or the next.” Camila added.“No more secrets.” Beatrice said, looking from Lilith to Ava.Ava covered Beatrice’s hand with her own and sat up, ignoring the tug of pain in her abdomen.“No more secrets.” She agreed.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva, Sister Lilith & Ava Silva
Comments: 20
Kudos: 324
Collections: Finishedstoriesmine





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from "Mother Tongue" By Bring Me The Horizon
> 
> Request from Anon: "Maybe you could write one where Bea gets a call from Ava and sounds like she’s injured/talking like its their last time and Bea is hysterical and telling Ava to let her know where she is"
> 
> OKAY so i had a lot of fun with this and I have absolutely spent the last 12 hours doing nothing but write this fic, it definitely got away from me but I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Once again, any and every mistake is my own - i tried to grab as many as i could but I'm tired y'all

Being unofficially on the run certainly made their jobs more difficult. 

Mother Superion and the other nuns back at Cat's Cradle did what they could to help, be it from sending them funds and ammunition when they could or tips and information. 

Even Jillian helped where she could, sending them all phones and new gear.

It meant that a lot of their time was spent living in the back of their van or holed up in backstreet motel rooms. 

There were moments where it felt too much, five people crammed into such a small space for this long was always bound to have repercussions. 

Nights where Mary would opt to stay in the van in the parking lot, just to have some time alone. 

Lilith disappearing on walks whenever they reached a new town, simply claiming later to be 'scouting the area'. 

Camila would plug earphones in when they're driving and disconnect. 

Even Beatrice herself, so used to keeping people at a certain distance found herself not sure on how to make a space for herself. 

But after the first week, on the nights where they would get a couple of rooms, she would notice that Ava would leave for a couple of hours. Beatrice would find her either next door with Camila hanging out with Mary or more likely, joining Lilith on her walks. 

She eventually realised that it was Ava's way of giving Beatrice some space. Ava had never spoken about it and Beatrice had never asked. 

She didn't know how to tell Ava that it wasn't necessary, so it remained an unspoken weight between them. 

(Beatrice also didn't know who decided that her and Ava should room together, but nobody had ever voiced a protest.) 

They've spent three weeks on the road at this point, making their way through Europe, putting an end to any possessions learn about and waiting to see if Mother Superion will come through for them and they can go home. 

Although, somewhere deep down, Beatrice didn't want this to end. These moments with Ava fast asleep and snoring gently on her shoulder. A warm but steadfast weight against her side that was equal parts terrifying and thrilling. 

It felt incredibly selfish but still, she found herself unable to stop. 

A bump in the road caused Ava to jostle, groaning unhappily at the disturbance and sitting up. 

The loss of warmth was instant. 

"Ugh, stupid roads. What time is it?" Ava asked.

“Past noon. You’ve been asleep for hours.” Lilith commented. “Poor Beatrice has had to deal with you drooling all over her.” 

Not for the first time, Beatrice was thankful for the dim light in the back of the van, it made it easier to hide the blush she could feel threatening to make its way to her cheeks.

“I don’t drool!” Ava protested. She turned to Beatrice, pouting. “Do I?”  
  
“You don’t.” Beatrice confirmed.

“Ha!” Ava stuck her tongue out at Lilith and kicked at her foot lightly.

Lilith’s scowl lacked any real heat. Beatrice had found it interesting to see their relationship steadily changing over the last few weeks. While Ava still managed to frequently get under Lilith’s skin, it was often tempered by some kind of understanding between the two.

Beatrice supposed that Ava, of all people, was in the best situation to understand Lilith’s situation. To know what it is like to have powers thrust upon her, to know on some level the fear and uncertainty that Lilith is experiencing. 

Their newfound friendship, of all things, was one of the stranger things to happen over the last few weeks, and that’s including the whole Adriel revelation.

“She’s just saying that to be nice.” Lilith replied.

“Children!” Mary scolded from the driver's seat. “Play nice. Don’t make me come back there.”

“She started it!” Ava protested.

“I don’t care who started it, I’ll finish it. Now, we’ve got to grab fuel and food. Do you think you can all chill for another hour?”  
  
“Can we get McDonald’s?” Ava asked hopefully.

“We’ll have whatever is there.” Mary replied. 

Beatrice chanced a look at her friend and saw her pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers while Camila stifled a laugh beside her.

These were the moments that Beatrice found herself enjoying. Moments where it almost felt like they were normal, just a group of women on a nondescript roadtrip.

A silence stretched between them all and Beatrice watched curiously as Ava and Lilith shared a long look, Ava tilting her head to the side in some kind of unspoken question towards Lilith and Lilith’s answering shrug.

Silence was not something that Ava could do for long periods, so it wasn’t a surprise when moments later, she turned to Beatrice.

“You wanna take a nap?” She patted her shoulder enthusiastically. “Certified comfort right here, that’s the Ava Silva guarantee.”

Beatrice smiled. “I’m fine, thank you.”  
  
“You sure? It’s not exactly fair that I use you as a human pillow all the time.”

“If I minded I would have said something.” Beatrice replied.

Ava hummed and dropped her head back onto Beatrice’s shoulder. “That’s true.” 

When the silence hit again, Camila turned the radio up and the rest of the drive was filled with mundane pop music and the occasional commentary from Ava and Camila.

\--

“Apparently, if we keep following this road.” Mary trailed a finger across the map with her finger. “There’s a motel right around here, just outside of this town.” 

Beatrice leant against the side of the van and observed the proposed route. “It would be a good chance to stock up on supplies. We’re definitely going to need more clothes if we’re going to continue like this.”  
  
They’d ditched their habits very early into the trip, usually being a nun meant that they could blend in, but following the events at the Vatican it hadn’t been much of a stretch to assume that people would actively be looking for group of nuns.

Mary laughed. “If there’s one thing I miss about Cat’s Cradle, it’s the laundry.”

“And the food.” Lilith added.

Beatrice looked over to Lilith and found her staring at the petrol station, Ava had been the most disappointed that there hadn’t been a McDonald’s or even a Burger King accompanying it, and her and Camila had taken it upon themselves to go inside to buy food and pay for the fuel.

“One of us should have gone with them.” Lilith continued. “Ava is a terrible influence on Camila, they will only bring junk with them.”

It was a pretty accurate assumption to make based on past experience and Beatrice was just about to push herself from the van to go off in search of their friends when Ava and Camila emerged, grinning brightly. Camila, with a bag in each hand and Ava carrying a tray of hot drinks.

She moved considerably slower than Camila, all of her focus apparently being spent on not tripping over her own feet.

“Need a hand there?” Mary asked, grinning at the sight.  
  
“No, no I got this.” Ava reached them and set the drinks on top of the map carefully. “It’s probably not as good as Starbucks, but it was way fucking cheaper.”   
  
“Language.” Beatrice said, more out of habit than actual scolding.

Ava grinned but didn’t offer a comeback, instead holding a cup out to Lilith. “Black, like your heart.”   
  
Lilith scowled but took the offered drink.

“I’m kidding, two pumps of caramel and milk because you’re really sweet underneath that angry exterior.”

If anything, Lilith’s scowl only intensified, though Beatrice was certain she saw a hint of a smile hidden behind the cup.

“Extra shot of espresso for Mary, green tea for Camila…” Ava took her time handing the drinks out before finally turning to Beatrice. “And hot chocolate for Bea.” 

Beatrice blinked at the offered drink for a moment, she couldn’t remember a conversation where they had discussed favourite drinks, but somewhere along the line, Ava had apparently taken it upon herself to learn their orders without prompting.

It was more than a little bit endearing.

When Beatrice took the cup from her, Ava leant in a little closer than strictly necessary, grinning.

“I asked them for extra marshmallows.” She whispered conspiratorially.

“Oh, thank you Ava.”  
  
Ava’s grin was as blinding as the halo.

“Did you not get anything for yourself?” Lilith asked.

Ava nodded enthusiastically and jumped to Camila’s side where she rummaged through the bag until she produced a silver and blue can and held it up proudly.

“I’ve always wanted to try one of these! I couldn’t resist. It says it gives you wings, I mean I’ve already got a halo, right?”

The combined look of dread on Mary and Lilith’s face was truly something to behold and it only became funnier to Beatrice when Lilith slapped the can from Ava’s hand before she could open it.

“Hey! What the fuck?” Ava grabbed it from the ground and jumped behind Beatrice before Lilith could do it again.

“Ava, you’re already a walking ball of energy, I don’t want to imagine what you’ll be like if you start drinking energy drinks.” Lilith replied.

“I can’t be held responsible for what happens to you if you drink it.” Mary added, her tone making the statement sound much more like a threat.

“Beatrice will protect me from you guys, right?” Ava asked. “Bea?”  
  
Beatrice didn’t dare look at Ava for fear of being met with puppy dog eyes so she simply sighed.

“Just… Try one and don’t make it a habit.” She held up a hand as she heard Ava suck in a breath. “Don’t make a pun with that.”

Mary groaned and folded the map back up. “Let's hit the road before someone hits Ava-”  
  
(Ava snorted at this.)   
  
“Cam, please tell me there is actual food in there.”

  
  
  
\--

  
  


Mary held up two keys for the group to see.

“So, this room has two single beds.” She gestured to the key in her left hand. “And this one has a king and a sofa, and before anyone asks, I’m not sleeping in the van tonight.”

“You can take one of the singles.” Beatrice said. “It’s only fair.”

Lilith took the other key from Mary before anybody else could say anything. “Me, Beatrice and Ava will take the other room.”   
  
“That okay with you Cam?” Ava asked. “You did a lot of the driving today too.”   
  
“That’s fine.” Camila smiled. She looked at each of them. “Will you all be okay?”   
  
“If you’re worried that I’m going to smother Ava in her sleep, don’t worry. I’ll be taking the sofa.” Lilith replied, already grabbing her bag and heading up to their room.

“Well… That’s decided then.” Mary shrugged. “I’ll catch you guys in the morning.”   
  
They bid their goodnights and Beatrice was soon left in the parking lot alone with Ava, staring up at the door that Lilith had disappeared behind.

Ava rocked on her heels for a moment before sliding her sword over her shoulder. “Let’s do this then… Bea, you good?”  
  
While they had slept in the same room countless times over the last few weeks, and even found themselves pressed together (for warmth, it was natural instinct for their bodies to seek out heat) in the back of the van, this would be the first time that they had shared a bed.

It was going to be another first for Beatrice, and that was a revelation that left her uncharacteristically frozen on the spot.

She blinked away her anxiety at hearing the concern in Ava’s voice and forced a smile at her friend. “Of course, lets not keep Lilith waiting.”

  
  


\--

Ava, Beatrice noticed, always left her sword in the same place when they stayed in motels. It was always propped up beside the bed on whichever side was closest to the door.

Beatrice was certain it was a habit she’d picked up from her, the first time Ava had woken them both with a nightmare, Beatrice had accidentally freaked her out more by immediately producing a knife from under her pillow.

Ava found the memory funny now, but Beatrice could imagine that in the moment, being greeted with a knife when you’re still battling with the lingering effect of a nightmare hadn’t been a particularly good experience.

Ava also usually showered first, so having Lilith in their space who had already claimed the shower by the time they made it to the room had already thrown a small wrench in their usual routine.

Instead, Beatrice now found Ava sat cross legged on the bed, snacks spread out around her as she sorted them into some kind of order while Beatrice busied herself with moving around the room, checking the locks on the doors to the balcony and unpacking her own bag.

“Are you okay?” Ava asked again.

“I’m fine.” Beatrice replied, pulling out an oversized hoody to sleep in.

“It’s just that… You’re doing a really good impression of me right now.”  
  
Beatrice froze, turning to meet Ava’s steady gaze.

“Usually i’m the one who can’t stop moving.” Ava continued with a shrug. “It feels weird seeing you do it, so what's up?”

Since when was Ava this observant? 

“I…” Beatrice let out a breath and took a seat on the bed so that she could face Ava. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Ava frowned and tilted her head to the side as she regarded Beatrice. “Why would you make me uncomfortable?”  
  
Beatrice averted her gaze in favour of looking pointedly at the bed.   
  
It took a few moments, but Beatrice heard the soft intake of breath, the quiet _‘Oh.’_ on the exhale.

She already knew that Lilith wouldn’t swap with her or Ava, she steadfastly refused to share with anyone. 

Beatrice was about ready to grab her bag and retreat to the safety of the van when she felt Ava’s hand on her cheek, the grip was gentle as she turned Beatrice’s head so that they were face to face.

“Beatrice, listen to me when I tell you that you do not make me uncomfortable. Nothing about you makes me uncomfortable. I love being around you.”   
  
“Ava-”   
  
“I mean it Bea. You’re fine. Would it make you feel better if I slept in the van?” Ava asked.

Beatrice grabbed Ava’s hand. “No, that’s… That’s not necessary.” 

“So you’re okay with sharing the bed?”   
  
“I… Suppose.” Beatrice looked down at their joint hands. “You like being around me?”   
  
“I believe I said love, but yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Ava stretched her legs out so that they bracketed Beatrice’s body. “You’re kind of a badass.” 

She flipped Beatrice’s hand and began to draw idle patterns along her palm, the sensation sent a shiver along every vertebrae of Beatrice’s spine.

“You’re my best friend.” Ava continued, considerably quieter. “And…”  
  
The door to the bathroom opened and Lilith stepped out, apparently oblivious to the pair as she walked through the room.   
  
“The water pressure of that shower is terrible, but it’s hot.” She said idly.

Ava stared at Beatrice for a long moment, her eyes were soft and attentive before she let go of Beatrice’s hand and rolled off of the bed. 

“That doesn’t sound promising, but okay.” Ava replied.

Beatrice took a moment to run her hands over her face, counting her breaths until she felt her heartbeat begin to steady.

Ava disappeared into the room next and Lilith regarded Beatrice for a few moments before slipping onto the balcony and leaving Beatrice alone with her thoughts.

\--

  
Beatrice could trace the outline of Ava’s figure in the moonlight. The curve of her shoulder and the loose wisps of hair that fell free from her ponytail. 

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Ava shifted, rolling onto her back.   
  
Beatrice wondered what Ava was going to say to her before Lilith had interrupted them. 

_“I love being around you.”_

  
  
  


When Beatrice woke up a few hours later, the first thing she noticed that Ava wasn’t beside her.

When she looked around, she saw the sofa was empty.

The final thing she noticed was that Ava’s sword was missing.


	2. Chapter 2

When Ava woke up, she expected the room to be bathed in darkness but instead found herself surrounded by a fading, golden glow.

The halo.

She looked over to the sofa and found it empty.

_Not again._

Ava turned to look at Beatrice, fast asleep. 

It always made Ava’s chest ache to know that the only time Beatrice seemed to look truly at peace was when she was asleep.

Ava knew that she should wake her, that she should bring her into this, but after a moment of deliberation, Ava slipped out of the bed to change quickly, pulling a hoody on and grabbing her phone and sword before sneaking from the room.

This had been going on since the Vatican, Ava had grown accustomed to waking up with the halo’s flare, following its tug and letting it guide her to her goal.

Lilith. 

Ava walked the streets heading towards the town, letting the halo control her movements.

She’d learned pretty quickly not to bother using the phone to call her, Lilith never answered but it was always good to have it as backup as she had quickly learned that these nightly adventures had a tendency to go wrong.

She felt the pulse of the halo as she got closer to a bar and a few feet away she could make out Lilith’s profile. 

“Lilith!”   
  
Lilith didn’t respond, so Ava sprinted the short distance and grabbed Lilith’s arm.   
  
Lilith turned to look at her, expression painfully blank for several moments before she seemed to return to herself, recognition finally setting in.

“Ava?”  
  
“Hey, you okay?”   
  
Lilith looked around, taking in her surroundings. “What are we doing here?”   
  
“You tell me, your spidey senses tingling?”   
  
Lilith frowned and looked back at the bar and nodded.

Ava had to admit that it scared her when this happened to Lilith, that there were moments where she seemed to dissociate entirely. It was happening less frequently now that they knew what was happening but they hadn’t gotten any closer to figuring what caused it, only that when it happened, the halo would react.   
  
The two were linked together now, for better or worse and Ava knew that she had to do what she could to keep Lilith safe.

“Okay, let's go find the bad guy and get back to bed, yeah?”   
  
Lilith let out a slow breath and nodded again. 

Ava bumped her shoulder against Lilith and started towards the bar.

When she saw the familiar red mist trailing from a man making his way around the bar, Ava slipped the sword off of her shoulder.

“Okay Lil, let’s make this quick.”

\--

Ava could feel her phone vibrating constantly in her pocket, she didn’t have to look to know it was Beatrice. 

She wondered if Beatrice had alerted the others yet, if she’d sent Mary out in the van looking for them.

“Ava… I’m sorry.” Lilith said quietly.

“Don’t worry about it.”   
  
Lilith was shouldering most of her weight as they headed back towards the motel, the sword slung over her shoulder. Ava was thankful for the help as she kept her free hand pressed to her hip.

“Hey, I’ll heal, remember?” Ava smiled. “We got rid of a wraith, we did good.”  
  
Lilith sighed and they both found themselves hesitating when they reached the parking lot and saw the lights on in the windows of the rooms their friends were staying in.

“We’re going to have to tell them, you know.” Ava said.

“I know.” Lilith sighed.

“Hey, i’m here with you. They’ll understand.” 

Lilith was silent for another long moment before she let out a quiet, resigned sigh. “When did you become a grown up?”  
  
“I honestly have no idea.” Ava replied. 

The two of them made their way up to their room and Lilith took another moment to share a worried look with Ava before her hand reached for the handle.

Only to freeze when the door swung open to reveal an extremely worried looking Beatrice.

“Where have you both-” she stopped as her gaze dropped to Ava’s hand, eyes widening at the sight of blood. “Ava!”   
  
She pulled them both into the room, gripping Ava’s shoulders as she pulled her from Lilith’s grasp and easing her against the wall to cover the wound with her own hands.   
  
“The fuck happened to you both?” Mary asked, crossing the room to join them.   
  
It spoke a lot about Beatrice’s concern that she didn’t bother to correct Mary’s language.

“There was a guy, possessed.” Ava hissed as Beatrice put more pressure on the wound. “Shit, Bea. Turns out he had a knife. Got a little stabby.”  
  
“That doesn’t explain why you both disappeared.” Beatrice said quietly. “Camila, can you get the first aid kit?” 

“The halo will heal me Bea, it’s fine.”  
  
Beatrice fixed her with a stern look. “You look like you’ve been bleeding for a while. We still need to stop the bleeding.” 

“It’s my fault.” Lilith said. “Ava has been covering for me.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Camila asked.

Beatrice pulled Ava towards the bed and pushed her down, Camila joined her at her side and began to pass Beatrice supplies.

Ava tried to listen as Lilith explained everything, the nightmares, the dissociation. She told them about the first time the halo had reacted and how Ava had managed to find her. How the episodes always led Lilith to someone who was possessed.

Ava really tried, but all she could focus on was Beatrice, her hands still pressed Ava’s hip. The gauze was soaked through and her blood stained Beatrice’s hands, but she made no attempt to move them as she listened to Lilith’s story.

Ava watched Beatrice steal glances at her as Lilith explained everything, Ava watched her expression cycle through several emotions. The disappointment was brief but it stuck out to Ava throughout the rest of the conversation.

“That’s why you’ve been sneaking away.” Beatrice concluded after a moment, looking down at Ava. “I thought-” She shook her head.

“Why didn’t either of you say anything?” Camila asked.

“For once, this isn’t on Ava.” Lilith said. “I asked her not to, I didn’t want you all to think I was losing myself.”

“You’re still you, Lilith, no matter what.” Mary said. “You know we’re going to be here for you no matter what.”

“We’re a team remember, in this life or the next.” Camila added.

“No more secrets.” Beatrice said, looking from Lilith to Ava.

Ava covered Beatrice’s hand with her own and sat up, ignoring the tug of pain in her abdomen.

“No more secrets.” She agreed.

Beatrice eased their hands away and looked to Ava for silent permission before rolling her hoody up enough to inspect the wound.

“It’s healing.”   
  
Ava smiled. “See? Good as new.”   
  
Beatrice didn’t seem appeased and Ava looked past her to see Mary exchanging a quiet word with Lilith and Camila. Mary glanced back at Ava and got to her feet.

“We better let Ava get some rest. This discussion isn’t over though, okay?” Mary said.   
  
“Where will Lilith sleep?” Beatrice asked.

“She can take my bed, don’t worry about us Bea.”

Beatrice frowned but made no attempt to protest as the three left the room, leaving Ava alone with Beatrice.

“Beatrice, look, I’m sorry-”   
  
Her words were cut off by Beatrice’s arms being thrown around her neck, pulling her close. 

“You didn’t answer your phone.” Beatrice said quietly. “I thought you’d… You scared me. Both of you.”  
  
Ava brought her arms up to wrap around Beatrice. “I’m sorry.” 

Beatrice pulled back to stare at Ava, gaze serious despite the tears Ava could still see there.   
  
“Ava, I meant what I said. No secrets, we’re a team remember? You can’t just run off like that again, you got extremely lucky tonight.” 

Ava nodded. “I promise.”  
  
“I wish you’d waken me, I know you were looking out for Lilith but...” She trailed off with a sigh,

Beatrice was doing that more often now, at a loss for words when usually so composed.

She looked hurt and it pained Ava to know that she was responsible for causing that.

“No more secrets.” Ava said again, shifting forward to press her forehead to Beatrice’s shoulder. “Not between you and me.”

Relief seemed to pass over Beatrice, her shoulders relaxing.

Ava wasn’t sure if whatever was growing between the two of them counted as a secret or not. Even if it was, Ava knew that she wouldn’t be able to find the words to explain them. Just that right now, with her head pressed to Beatrice’s shoulder, Ava felt comforted.

“We should try to get some rest.” Beatrice said after a few moments.

“Agreed.”

\--

The following days in the van felt considerably less silent now that Lilith and Ava’s secret was out.

It was reassuring to see Lilith grow more relaxed the more she spoke about it, the conversations between Lilith, Mary and Camila flowing more easily while Ava sat up front with Beatrice and kept her company as they drove.

Real progress came in the form of a phone call from Jillian, offering them a safe haven in ArqTech’s sister lab in France. Ava found it a testament to the womans strength that even in the darkest moment of losing her son to the portal, she was still willing to help them out.

Beatrice had (rightfully) pointed out that it wasn’t that simple, that she would definitely went to investigate Ava and Lilith’s powers further to find a way to her son, but they had all still agreed that it seemed like their best bet for now.

Without somewhere to stay put for a while, they had no chance of finding a way to stop Adriel and Vincent.

And just like that, the route had been set and the girls found themselves ready for the drive to France.

“You seem excited.” Beatrice noted as she got out of the van, stretching her arms behind her back. 

“I’ve never been to France.” Ava shrugged and grinned at Beatrice. “There’s going to be so much to do, there’s no chance of me getting _Bordeaux-_ ed.”

Beatrice turned away to laugh as Lilith and Mary groaned from somewhere behind them.

“Don’t encourage her Bea, that was awful.” Mary said.

Beatrice walked past Ava to head towards the back of the van so Mary could take over driving for a while, she paused next to Ava for a moment, giving her that smile that Ava was slowly convinced was for her eyes only.

“I thought it was pretty good.” Beatrice replied.

Ava’s cheeks hurt from smiling for the rest of the day.

\--

“Last night in the van. Hopefully.” Mary announced, cutting the engine.

They’d parked up at a campsite in a forest of the south of France, the weather had taken a turn for the worse in the last couple of days, the rain hadn’t let up much and it was an unsettling and persistent noise against the roof of their van.

The silver lining of the terrible weather was that they were alone.

“It’s not going to be easy to sleep.” Camila said, adjusting their bags to make room for her to settle down.

“I think it’s quite soothing.” Beatrice replied, laying down in her usual spot, rearranging her jacket as a makeshift pillow and laying down. 

“You won’t be saying that in an hour.” Mary laughed. 

Ava settled down beside Beatrice and draped an arm across her eye. It was no secret that she could fall asleep in almost any situation, but even she had to admit that it would be a struggle tonight.

Part of Ava actually liked staying in the van, she liked to be around people and she took comfort in the cramped conditions. There was no way she could move that didn’t have her bumping into one of her friends.

She kept closer to Beatrice though, a reassuring warmth against her side as they all settled down for the night. Beatrice had grown more relaxed in the last few days, comfortable occupying the same space as Ava.

“Do you like the rain?” Ava asked, rolling to her side to face Beatrice. 

“I do. It helps me relax.” Beatrice replied, blinking sleepily at her. “What helps you relax?”  
  
“This.” Ava admitted. “Being around you and the others.”   
  
“Beatrice smiled. “Even when we’re cramped together like this?”   
  
“Even more so because we’re cramped together.”

“Guys, quiet time. Seriously.” Mary sighed.

Beatrice tucked her face into the crook of her arm to hide her smile when Ava rolled her eyes.

“Goodnight, Ava.”  
  
“Night, Bea.”   
  
If Ava shifted a little closer towards Beatrice, the other girl didn’t mention it.

  
  


\--

Ava woke to the heavy rain and unsurprisingly, the interior of the van bathed in a golden glow.

The back door to the van was ajar and Ava didn’t need to look around to know that Lilith wasn’t in her spot. The light from the halo didn’t dim and while Ava was already quite cold, she felt something akin to terror down her spine when she heard a roar in the distance.

_Tarask._

“Beatrice, Beatrice!” Ava shook Beatrice until her eyes snapped open, confusion and fear clear in her eyes. “It’s happening again.”

“Ava? What-”  
  
Ava was already grabbing her sword and pulling her hood up. “Lilith is gone.”   
  
“The fuck is going on?” Mary complained quietly.

“Ava, wait!” Beatrice was scrambling to get up.

Ava jumped from the van and drew the sword free from its sheath, without the glow from the sword and her halo, Ava couldn’t see more than a few inches in front of her. The rain plastered her hair to her skin and the mud beneath her feet threatened her already fragile balance.

She could hear Beatrice call out to her again but it was quickly drowned out by another roar.

Ava sprinted through the trees, feeling the halo burning against her back getting stronger and Ava knew that she was on the right track.   
  
“Lilith!” Ava yelled.

Another roar.

A flash of lightning.

“Ava?” A distant callback. 

Ava followed the sound, Lilith never usually answered back. 

But then again, there was never usually a Tarask involved in these moments.

Ava saw a flash of energy and the giant, unmistakable figure of the demon in between the trees.

“Come on!” Lilith yelled, staring down the creature.

As Ava got closer she feel the air grow colder, could see Lilith’s nails increase in length. The effortless way she rolled out of the way of the demon.

“Lilith!”   
  
Lilith looked over to Ava, her gaze dropped to the sword. “Finish it, Ava!”   
  
Ava could feel her phone vibrate in her pocket.

They’d be behind her, Ava had woken them before she ran. They were coming.

“Let’s fucking do this.” Ava started towards the Tarask, taking advantage of the distraction Lilith was causing to slice at the back of its leg.

She had to remember her training, stay focused, protect her team.

Training didn’t account for mud though, and Ava skidded across the mud. Lilith sliced at its other leg again, grinning at the pained roar the Tarask let out. 

Some moments, Ava noticed, slipped into slow motion. 

This was no difference, the Tarask rising to its full height, drawing its arm back in preparation for attack and Ava was thrown back to that day in the warehouse. Except this time it was Lilith standing in Ava’s place.

Did Lilith hesitate that day? 

Were her feet frozen to the ground? 

Fight, flight or freeze. That was the choice that needed to be made.

Beatrice had once told her that her instincts lay with flight.

Not now.

Ava chose to fight.

Ava sprinted forward, using the mud to slide in front of Lilith as the Tarask brought its claw down. 

She was aware of distant screaming when the claws pierced her stomach, the pain that reverberated through her body as she was lifted off of the ground. 

It took Ava a few seconds to realise that the screams were her own.

“Ava!”  
  
Okay, and maybe also Lilith’s.

Ava was lifted until she was face to face with the Tarask.

“Big mistake fuck face.” Ava gritted out, lifting the sword and driving it through the Tarask’s chest.

She could see the glow of the halo dance across its skin, growing and growing in intensity until she felt it reach its breaking point. She felt it implode the moment before her sight was bathed in darkness.

Ava was just glad that Beatrice couldn’t see what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Being greeted by Ava’s wide eyed terror sent fear echoing through Beatrice’s whole body.

“Beatrice, Beatrice! It’s happening again.”

Beatrice tried to sit up, her eyes struggling to adjust to the golden glow surrounding them. “Ava? What-”  
  
Ava was grabbing her sword from the corner of the van, drawing it from its sheath and throwing it to the ground, pulling her hood up as she reached the back of the van.  
  
“Lilith is gone.”  
  
Beatrice sucked in a sharp breath.

“The fuck is going on?” She heard Mary ask.

The distraction was enough for Ava to jump out of the van.

“Ava, wait!”

“What’s happening?” Camila asked.

“Lilith is gone.” Beatrice grabbed her jacket and pulled it on, reaching for her knives and climbing out of the van, scanning the trees for the burst of light disappearing into the darkness.

“Ava!”

Then came the roar.

Beatrice turned back to the van, knowing her own expression mimicked that of Mary and Camila.

“Was that what I think it was?” Mary asked.

“Tarask.” Beatrice confirmed. “We need to find Ava.”

Camila and Mary joined her outside. “Which way did she go.”  
  
Beatrice pointed ahead and Mary nodded, levelling Beatrice with a steady look.  
  
“Let’s find out girls.”

Mary took point, her shotguns drawn and ready as they moved through the forest as quickly and carefully as they could.

Another roar, echoing through the trees.  
  
Beatrice pulled her phone from her pocket and hit dial on Ava’s number, she tried to hope but tried not to let her heart sink when it went to voicemail.

“We’re going to find them.” Camila said quietly. Always optimistic, always hopeful.

Another roar.

A scream.

Beatrice froze.

In the distance, there was an explosion of golden light. 

_Ava._

\--

Lilith was stunned and bleeding when they reached her, but otherwise unharmed.

Beatrice reached her first, grabbing her shoulders and giving her a quick once over for any serious injuries before turning her focus elsewhere.

“Ava?”  
  
Lilith looked off towards the trees. “The Tarask injured her, she managed to kill it but the halo activated, it blew her clear.”  
  
“Which way?”  
  
“I don’t-”  
  
“Which way, Lilith?” Beatrice knew that her voice was getting louder, too much emotion slipping through. 

Heart too close to her sleeve, for everyone to see.

“I don’t know.” Lilith replied.

Mary’s hand was firm on Beatrice’s shoulder, easing her away.

“We’ll split up, we’re going to find her.”  
  
Beatrice looked around the trees and spotted some broken branches behind Lilith. The halo always blew Ava backwards, that was as good a place to start as any.

“I’ll go that way.” Beatrice said, starting off before anybody could protest.

\--

“Ava?” Beatrice called. “Ava!” 

The silence hurt.

Her phone was in her hand, serving as both a light and waiting for any news from any of her friends.

_Where are you, Ava?_

“Ava?” 

Her phone started to vibrate.

Ava’s name lit up the screen.

“Ava?”  
  
A spluttered cough, _“Hey Bea.”_

“Ava, where are you?”

_“I’m in the woods, honestly i’m a little stumped.”_ _  
__  
_Ava would make a pun in this situation, the laugh that bubbled from Beatrice’s lips was choked and she felt tears spring to her eyes.

“Ava-”  
  
 _“Is Lilith okay?”_ _  
__  
_“She’s fine. Can you see anything that’ll help me find you?”  
  
Ava was silent on the other line save for laboured breathing.

_“You don’t want to see me like this, Bea.”_

“I can’t help you if you don’t.” Beatrice replied. “Please Ava.”  
  
She kept moving, eyes scanning for the other girl. It was a struggle to hear Ava over the phone with the rain surrounding them so even Beatrice held little hope that she would somehow hear Ava’s voice in the distance.

_“You’d have been proud of me Bea.”_ Ava began, pausing again to cough. _“No flight or freeze. I fought, Bea.”_ _  
__  
_“I’m already proud of you, Ava. I’ve been proud of you since day one.” Beatrice paused when she saw a flash of blue in the distance.

_“You are?”_ _  
__  
_“Of course I am. Ava, you’ve grown so much in such a short time already. You’re a natural leader and a hero and I need you to be okay because I can’t lose you.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the rain or if there were tears streaking down her face. The shaky breath when she inhaled made Beatrice realise it was the latter.

Beatrice headed towards the flash of blue, hoping beyond hope that it was what she thought it was.

_“No secrets?”_ Ava asked.

Beatrice took a few more steps and realised it was the sword, embedded in the mud.

“No secrets.” Beatrice confirmed.

_“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Beatrice. You made me a better person and you make me want to be a better person. I had to die to be able to meet you and I’m thankful for that everyday.”_ _  
__  
_As Beatrice got closer she could see Ava’s leg from behind a tree.

“...Ava…”

She approached Ava from the side, the halo glowed faintly, but enough for Beatrice to see the blood from her injuries.

_“I don’t know if it’s a secret, because every day i’ve tried to show you how important you are to me. I try to show it to you in every action and every look... I tried to show you how much I...”_ Ava turned her head to the side when she realised Beatrice was getting closer and smiled.

She lowered her phone and Beatrice found herself doing the same as she crouched down in front of Ava. 

Ava reached out to curl her fingers into Beatrice’s jacket.

“To show you how much I love you.” She finished. 

Beatrice took Ava’s face in her hands. “Ava… I-”  
  
She brushed Ava’s hair from her face and took in her smile, soft and pained and so utterly Ava that it broke something inside of Beatrice.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Ava whispered. “I just needed you to know how I feel.”  
  
“I feel it too. I do Ava, I really do.” 

Ava tipped her head forward to press their foreheads together.  
  
“You’re going to be okay.”

“Bea-”  
  
“You’re not going anywhere.” 

She pressed her lips to Ava’s forehead. Pulled her as close as she dared.  
  
“You’re going to be okay.” Beatrice said.  
  
She repeated the words like a prayer, and in truth, they were. A prayer for Ava to be okay.

Dear God, let her be okay.

“Ava?” Mary’s voice echoed through the rain. “Beatrice?”  
  
Flashlights in the distance.

“We’re over here!” Beatrice yelled as loudly as she could.

She turned her attention back to Ava. “Hear that? The others are coming, you’re not done yet.”  
  
“Trust in your team?” Ava asked.

“In this life or the next.” Beatrice replied, pressing their foreheads together on more time, basking in Ava’s warmth, the glow of the halo.

“This life.” Ava repeated.  
  


_Dear God, let her be okay._


	4. Chapter 4

Ava woke under fluorescent lights, bright and unrelenting.

The rain had stopped. She didn’t know when.

A hospital?    
  
Ava shifted and tried to sit up, taking in her surroundings and found Lilith stood at the foot of her bed.

“Hey?”    


Lilith visibly relaxed and looked to her side, Ava followed her gaze to see Beatrice, curled up and asleep in the chair.

“Ava, I’m so sorry.” She said quietly.

“What for?” Ava asked.

“You almost died protecting me.”   
  
Ava grinned. “You did die for me, I think we’re even.”   
  
Lilith rolled her eyes but smiled. “How do you feel?”   
  
“Pretty good.” Ava replied. “Where are we?”   
  
“ArqTech’s French lab, we’ve been here for a couple of days.” Lilith nodded towards Beatrice. “She hasn’t left your side, you know.”   
  
Ava smiled in Beatrice’s direction and turned back to Lilith.    
  
“How are the others?”    
  
“Worried about you, but they’re fine.”    
  
Beatrice stirred in her seat and Lilith backed towards the door.   
  
“I’ll go tell them you’re awake.” She said quietly. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”   
  
“Likewise.”   
  
“You’re a good leader, Ava. You’ve proven that ten times over by now.”   
  
“Learnt it from the best.” Ava winked.

Lilith rolled her eyes again but slipped out of the room quietly.    
  
Beatrice opened her eyes, blinking several times before she realised that Ava was looking back at her and shot upright.

“Ava!”   
  
Ava smiled. “Hey.”   
  
Beatrice closed the short distance between them and cupped her cheek. “Hey.”   
  
“How are you feeling?” Ava asked.

“Pretty sure I should be asking you that.” Beatrice replied. “Better now that you’re awake.”   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“Yeah.”   


Beatrice brushed her fingers across Ava’s cheek again, leaning closer. 

The silence between them stretched for a few moments, Beatrice’s smile only growing warmer as they held each other's gaze.

“Ava?”   
  
“Yeah?”   


Beatrice leant in, hesitantly and brushed their lips together. So soft that Ava wanted to melt into the bed right there.

In the space between them, Beatrice’s words were barely above a whisper, but Ava felt them wind there way into her heart and take root.

“No secrets… I love you too.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there we go folks.   
> Not gonna lie, i was tempted to end it on chapter 3 and keep it all ambiguous BUT these two deserve softness and happiness so i'm gonna take it easy on the heavy angst for a while 
> 
> As always, you can find me [here](https://yashastrongarms.tumblr.com/) and feel free to hmu with any requests - I am at work for the next 6 days but I'll do my best to answer anything i get :)
> 
> Stay safe and thank you again for reading


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